Hemligt

i wish someone would assure me that you wouldn't die, but that is a stupid thing to promise. it would comfort me though, comfort me better than a blanket in the cold night or even your arms around me the same evening. your arms around me was never promises, neighter were your words about love between us. they were just beautiful truths but had nothing to do with later, like some people would assume. 'i love you' is just a feeling for someone who is about to die, not a promise and tecnically not even a swear for doing something about it. and you said you were going to die. a couple of times. and sometimes you talked about how it would be when you were older. i could listen to you for hours when it was like that. your stories from nigeria. you always asked me why i didn't speak about myself, or tell you interesting stories. honey, i was so busy taking yours in. i didn't wanna spoil the time we had. we are having. my stories is only feelings and i would love to share them with you some day. if you are still there. i need time to gather them around and they are not cooperating at the moment. i need to feel them all over again, but yours are filling me up so it will take time. no worries though. i love your stories. i love how they taste.
and oh, did i tell you that i love your kisses? that i love it when your bodyparts are close to mine? one time i was so near you that you asked me if I wanted you to move in or something. and yes, i did. i wanted you to step into me and fill me up and never leave. but that is not a proper thing to say so i laughed and gave you some space (for a moment). please answer when i call you, life is not perfect but it can be okay.